Outrunning the Light

By nature I am a dreamer. My head is always in the clouds making it hard focus on what is in front of me.

Sitting still is my worst enemy. I remember trying to sit still during church services as a kid. My mom always said I would be upside down in my chair by the end.  Twenty years later I am not much better.

Summer was filled with trip leading and chaos, fall with training camps and with moving.  Now I have settled into a regular schedule and my suitcase has been empty for a while. Recently, routine has 

been causing my mind to wander to far off places.

 One day at work the Lord hit me with His gentle words. Every Tuesday morning our office comes together to pray over the organization and those who are out in the field. Each department takes an hour shift to come to the Lord in our prayer room. As I sat on the floor in a corner, my mind began to roam after about three minutes. I thought of all of the other countries I could be in right now. I thought of all the people I could be talking with…I should learn Spanish…I forgot to bring lunch…did I leave the stove on this morning? I thought of a million things I could be doing with my life that didn’t involve being in the office, I thought of all that I am missing.

Then I felt an inexplicable calm that often comes over me when the Lord speaks.

“You are missing it. You are missing what is right in front of you.”

I immediately stopped my fidgeting and looked up from the carpet. He was absolutely right. I work for a missions organization, right at the center of it all. The Lord was moving every day, and I was missing it. I talk with hundreds of people each week, the opportunities, the stories, are endless. I wasn’t even looking for what He could do with my life right now. I was so focused on what was coming, that I couldn’t see what was.

  I remember reading Psalm 119: 105 “Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light     unto my path.” A lamp, not a searchlight. I picture David and his lamp, something     like a candle, in the middle of the night trying to find his way down a little dirt           pathway. He maybe had enough light to take one step at a time. Enough to focus     on  what was right in front of him.

  I was focused so far ahead to the things couldn’t see that I was missing what God     was showing me now. I believe that our future is unknown and kept in the dark         because as humans we like to live in the world of possibility and are easily overcome   by the need to take control.

 

So often, I skip ahead to the dark unknown thinking it will be better, outrunning the light right in front of me.

The now is a gift. I know I will look back at this my time here in the future and wish I could come back. I want to take all that is in front of me and not run right past it on my way moving forward. I want to bask in this light, as long as it lasts, until it is time to make the next step. I don’t want to outrun the light.